Change Archives | Page 2 of 3 | Focusing with Fiona Parr

The life situation you are facing is still the same, and you may be getting desperate because you can’t make it change by Focusing on it.

It can make a big difference if instead of trying to force it to change, you focus on changing your relationship to it. You can start by recognising that it is there; it has been that way for a long time, maybe as long as you can remember, or maybe you remember when it started, as in the case of a serious illness or mental health difficulty. You can start by bringing a sense of kindness and friendliness towards yourself who is struggling or suffering in this particular way.

A Focuser says, ‘Sometimes if I Focus on the problem, it just gets worse. Maybe it’s best if I don’t think about it. How does Focusing help?’

It’s true that when you Focus on a problem, it can seem to get worse. This is what I call intensification. What is happening is that when you bring your attention to something, you become more acutely aware of the pain it is carrying.

Usually most of us tend to go towards what feels difficult or problematic in our lives, and this is naturally right and proper.

I also wonder how often we Focus with what feels good in our lives.
I suggest that it is helpful to spend at least some time in every session with what feels good. And then to identify and to Focus with exactly how it feels good, and where in your body does it feel good. There are a number of reasons why it is helpful…

Conflicting feelings

H. writes, ‘I’m very aware that in a Focusing session, there are several parts of me that want a stake in the process! …How would you suggest addressing this whole scenario of conflicting parts trying to get a piece of the action…?

What is ‘carrying forward’, and what you can do to support this important Focusing step of change.

J says, ‘I wanted to say how much I enjoyed your last ‘tip.’ It would be great if you could sometime enlarge on how to make best use of focusing sessions by ending them in the way you describe…’

A Focuser asks ‘how can I go back to places in me that I have been with during a Focusing session?’

‘The system won’t do what I tell it to, and I have to start afresh. Although I notice a progressive picture building up, it takes some time for me to make my way back to the ‘coal face’ each time, like a miner. How can I pick up where I left off?’

Focusing and change.

Helen asks, How far does my ‘need to change’ come from a part of myself and how far is it rooted in some wider reality/presence? How do I hold the desire for change alongside the felt recognition that we do not effect change by our own volition so much as open ourselves to be ready to receive whatever gift comes, when it comes?

The key to emotional healing through Focusing is to sit with your emotions, like you would a friend.

Dr. Eugene Gendlin, who developed Focusing, says, ‘What is split off, not felt, remains the same. When it is felt, it changes. Most people don’t know this! …A few moments of feeling it in your body allows it to change. If there is in you something bad, sick, or unsound, let it inwardly be and breathe. That’s the only way it can evolve and change into the form it needs.’

Where is the desire for change coming from?

A Focuser says, I’m wary of simply treating Focusing as a Self-Improvement Tool, since this feels at best ego-driven and at worst motivated by a part of me that’s criticising some other aspect of me.

‘Nothing seems to be happening’

Rosy asks, can you please help. I am feeling stuck in my Focusing and I don’t know how to get unstuck. You said Focusing brings movement and change, but nothing seems to be happening.

Next Courses

Change

Living with things that don’t change

Don’t just focus on the problem

Focusing with Joy

Inner conflict – Part 1

Step of Change

Integrating change after a Focusing session

How can I change my life?

Emotional Healing

Is my desire for change through Focusing ego-driven?

What to do when you are feeling stuck in your Focusing?

Next Focusing Courses

Focusing Tips