Focusing Tips by Fiona Parr

I'm often asked questions which I feel are relevant to many people. So I share my responses here which I hope will provide a helpful insight for everyone involved in Focusing and an overview if you are new to Focusing.
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What can you do when you Focus with something that doesn’t change? The life situation you are facing is still the same, and you may be getting desperate because you can’t make it change by Focusing on it. You can’t make the difficulty go away. And yet, you practice Focusing because you want things to change.

For instance, if you are struggling with a major life difficulty, illness or mental health issue, you might find many responses inside yourself which add to your suffering and can get in the way of any real change.

So what can you do to help the situation?

It can make a big difference if instead of trying to force it to change, you focus on changing your relationship to it. You can start by recognising that it is there; it has been that way for a long time, maybe as long as you can remember, or maybe you remember when it started, as in the case of a serious illness or mental health difficulty. You can start by bringing a sense of kindness and friendliness towards yourself who is struggling or suffering in this particular way.

No-one else knows what it is like to be you, and how it is for you to be living with this condition or situation.

You can tell friends, family members and a therapist, but how can they really know what you are feeling and experiencing? It can be very hard to articulate and explain to others what you are going through, so that they get it and understand. Even trying to describe a physical symptom to a doctor can be difficult to do. It can be a lonely experience.

If you can sit with it, in the company of a gentle and respectful Companion, and begin to attempt to describe it, you are beginning to turn to face it exactly as it is.

This is a huge step already. You can begin to acknowledge that it is there, and give yourself some compassionate acceptance of how hard it is for you, to be living with this situation or condition. Rather than trying to change the situation itself, you are changing your response to the situation, and giving yourself the love and care that is needed. You are not alone anymore. You understand, and can hear what is needed, exactly and specifically.