When I find something difficult in my Focusing, I go to a soothing peaceful place.
A Focuser says:
‘Sometimes when I find something difficult in my Focusing, I go to a soothing peaceful place with a calm peaceful lake and I feel much better.’
There is nothing wrong with doing this.
You are finding your resources and your sense of Presence, which is calm, peaceful and grounded. This enables you to give your friendly, non-judgemental attention to whatever is difficult.
As long as you don’t stop there.
‘Process-skipping’ is when you feel stuck in a difficulty, and then you find a way to become peaceful, light-filled and harmonious.
So what is wrong with that, you might ask. Isn’t that what we all want?
My concern is that the solution is too quick, not real, and doesn’t actually solve the problem.
Sooner or later, you will be back in the stuckness again. It hasn’t gone away.
For instance, in my Focusing session today, I was feeling stressed out.
After a while, I noticed another part of me felt fine, and was saying ‘no worries, it’s all OK’. The stressed part of me was not at all convinced by that, and continued to feel stressed. So I realised that there are two viewpoints here; one saying it’s all OK, and the other saying no, it isn’t. It would not have been useful to try and reassure the stressed part of me, or to imagine a peaceful lake. It would help to a certain extent, but the stressful part would most likely pop up again soon after the session.
Real lasting change
My experience of hundreds of hours of Focusing, both personally and being a companion to another person, shows me that if I try to make something good happen in the Focusing session, chances are that it won’t last. For real, lasting change to happen, I need to say with the stuck place just as it is, long enough for the spontaneous natural energy flow to emerge all on its own, without me making it happen.
Something fresh and new
What is more helpful in these kind of situations is to say to yourself that both are there. It’s good to acknowledge both, and to give each of them the time and the attention they deserve. Something fresh and new can arise when you are in touch with a hurting place and your strong, connected, resourced Presence at the same time.