‘I feel other people’s feelings’

A Focuser wants to know how she can deal with feelings that are not her own, but she feels them in the presence of another person as if they were her own feelings.

A. It seems to me that you are a highly sensitive person. Sensitivity to the feelings of others can mean that you are also very empathic. You know what people are going through, and this gives you compassion and empathy.

It can also knock you sideways. You may feel that you are pushed and pulled in all directions by other people’s feelings, like a feather in the wind. It can be too much for you to manage, so maybe you try to close down, which also reduces you capacity for empathy. If that happens, it’s an indication that things have got too much for you. Self care is needed. You might find it helpful to withdraw for a short while. I suggest that you take time out to be with nature for a while; meditate, or use Focusing to help you.

All these practices will help you to become more grounded and centred in your own being. You come home to yourself. Focusing will help you to sort out what is yours, and what belongs to someone else, because Focusing enable you to trace the feelings back to their root and where they have come from.

It is not easy when you are in the midst of feeling the emotions. It gets easier with practice; and the self-knowledge that Focusing gives you enables you to recognise when the feelings you are responding to are actually not yours. You gain a sense of perspective, and some space around the feelings. They are no longer so big or overwhelming. You are bigger that they are, and you can be gentle and compassionate with them. This allows them to settle somewhat, which means they are still there, but you are no longer being blown about like a feather.

With Focusing, you become more like a tree, rooted in the ground of your being, and flexible, bending with the wind. This will help you to respond appropriately to other people’s feelings, and your own.