The power of the pause
See how you can use Focusing to help you in your everyday life and in your relationships.
A. In a previous Focusing article, I talked about ‘bus stop Focusing’. This is when you find a minute or two in your busy day, when you are waiting for a bus or at the check out queue in the supermarket. Or it might be easier in the morning before you get up, or last thing at night. Here is an opportunity for you to briefly check in with yourself, asking ‘how am I right now?’ Then let your awareness come into the inner area of your body and wait for something to come there…
Walk past thoughts, feelings and body sensations. You could say to them, yes, I know you are there. Give them some acknowledgement, and then wait for what more is there. What is underneath everything that you already know? You are looking for a vague, global sense of something in your experience, called a ‘felt sense’. It is subtle, hard to describe and yet definitely felt. When you find it, see if you can describe it to yourself a bit, or find an image or a metaphor that captures some of its qualities. Give it some acknowledgement. Say to it, yes, I know you are there. Put a gentle hand on your body if it feels right to do so.
All this takes a few minutes to do. Give it a try each day and notice what happens when you get into the habit of ‘felt-sensing.’ You might find something is immediately there, or nothing comes at first, when you are Focusing.
It is not so easy when you do not have the luxury of spending a few minutes with yourself; when you are in the midst of a conversation, for instance. In our rushed culture no time is allowed for slowing down, or for you to take into account the many facets and intricacy of the situation. Perhaps the other person wants a response from you and you are not ready to give it. You may feel a sense of pressure from your boss or a family member.
This is where it can be helpful to take the ‘revolutionary pause’. This is a term coined by Mary Hendricks-Gendlin (see Staying in Focus, May 2003). You might say something like, ‘I just need to take a moment with this’. Or, ‘I’ll get back to you’, or ‘wait a minute’. If you can create some space for yourself in this way, you give yourself the opportunity to stand back, slow down and sense into the whole feel of it. This is the power of the pause.
The information that you get from your body when you do this kind of mini Focusing will include more than what you know about the immediate situation, your thoughts and feelings about it, and the cultural conditions and expectations that surround it. If you take a moment like this, you may find something that is uniquely yours, and fits this situation with more accuracy and authenticity than an immediate off-the-cuff reaction or response. This is the power of the pause.
Here are some free Focusing resources for you:
The British Focusing Association
Connect on Facebook
