‘Afraid of being overwhelmed’

A Focuser asks: ‘As someone new to focusing, I’m finding it can be quite a scary time. On the one hand, I’m very excited and energised, and it feels transformative. On the other hand, the new habits aren’t yet established, and this new way of being with feelings (which I may have been ignoring for most of my life) can feel frightening – especially when I start to get in touch with deep-seated and potentially overwhelming feelings – and especially if I’m focusing on my own rather than with a companion.

‘How can I help myself to stay open to presence when part of me is afraid of being overwhelmed?’

A. When I first learned Focusing, I could either feel nothing and I was fine, or I was overwhelmed and in tears. Now thankfully I no longer swing helplessly between extremes. I can be with my emotions in a way that is not pushing them away or denying them, nor am I overwhelmed and at their mercy. So how is it possible to find a way to be with your feelings in this way?

If you feel overwhelmed, it is helpful to recognise that it’s not all of you that feels that way. It can feel like all of you, so take your attention somewhere that feels OK. Pay attention to what is outside of you can help. What sounds can you hear? How does the air feel on your skin? What are you sitting on? Notice the weight of your body resting on the chair and your feet on the floor.

When you are Focusing, it is important to be able to be with your experience, rather than being immersed in it. See if you can take a step back, and say ‘something in me is feeling’ overwhelmed, or whatever you are feeling. This ‘third party language’ as a Focusing friend calls it, is an extremely powerful way of enabling you to step back from the overwhelming feeling. It enables you to get some breathing space around it. You are here and it is ‘there’, a part of you and no longer all of you. You can then be with it, from a little distance. You have put some space between you and it.

See if you can describe that ‘feel overwhelmed’ feeling. What’s it like? Get interested and curious about it. Is it like a volcano or an avalanche? See it as if from outside and describe it as if you were telling someone what it feels like.

Through using third party language and finding a sense of your presence through your own body and sensory experience, you can now be with the ‘feel overwhelmed’ feeling in a more objective way. Take your time and slow down. Describe what your body is feeling. Where can you feel it the most? Keep coming back to your feet and your point of contact with the ground and the physical world around you.

Develop your resources and nurture your inner strength. Make space every day for a few minutes of what feels good to you. Smell a rose; take a deep breath; notice beauty. Doing awareness practices can develop access to your Presence.

If you want to stay open to Presence when you are Focusing, try simply noticing the here and now; very mundane. Sometimes if you feel overwhelmed, it can be triggered by past events, long gone but leaving a residue or legacy in the body. Realise that old trauma is not happening now. Open your eyes and look around the room and see where you are now. Focusing can make a real difference.