Failure in Life
‘I want to get beyond this terrible feeling of being a failure.’
Failure in life can hit you at any time. When it does, Focusing can help you deal with your emotions.
S. says ‘How do I deal with my emotions? I want to get beyond this terrible feeling of being a failure. I want to do everything 100% perfectly at work, and I can’t bear it if I don’t achieve that. How do I get rid of these awful feelings that keep going round and round in my head? They are doing me in and totally incapacitating me.’
A. It sounds like you are having a really tough time at the moment. It seems to me that you are totally at the mercy of your emotions, so they don’t let you go, and you say they keep you awake at night. It is like a turmoil you are in right now, feeling that you are a failure in life, so you might need to take care of yourself in several ways. It can be helpful to take a step back from your work situation, until you feel strong enough to deal with the pressures that you are under. Some self-care can be very helpful; taking time out until your recover your strength.
And Focusing can really help. It seems that your thoughts and feelings are going round and round in your head. You might want to try noticing what is happening in your body. This might feel strange at first, especially if you are not used to it. You might think ‘what has my body got to do with this? It’s all happening in my head.’ But if you take the time to notice, you might find that your body is also actively engaged in your living process and it also has responses to what is happening in your mind and emotions. Your body is not separate from your living. And if you pay attention to it, you will find a bigger picture emerging, beyond what you currently know about it.
See if you can describe to yourself how your body feels, when you say to yourself that you feel a failure in life. For instance, when you tried this, you found a tightness in your chest. As you stayed with it and described it a bit; what it looked like, or how it felt, it became like a rock. If you can sit with this rock-like place in your chest, it will bring a sense of easing in your body. It also brings more of a sense of space around the pressing feelings in your head. You might also notice the rest of your body, especially your hands and feet, and behind your body where you can feel the physical support of the chair you are sitting on. Then you may realise that the rock in your chest is a part of you. It is not all of you that feels like that.
If you can give it some acknowledgement, because it is a part of you, it can start to let you know things. For instance, it may say it wants you to focus on it. It likes having your kind and gentle attention. You are not asking anything of it just now. No pressure. You are just being with it, sensing how it feels there in the body and not trying to do anything to it just now.
This gentle process called Focusing is very empowering. You are able to be more in control of your emotions, rather than them controlling you. You are more able to see them as friends rather than enemies. They come to show you that something is not right. They are like flags or signals that something needs to change in your life, especially when you feel you are a failure in life. If you give them kind attention, sensing them in the body, the energy that is held there in the body can be released for creative and joyful living.
Here are some free Focusing resources for you:
The British Focusing Association
The International Focusing Institute
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