Big decisions take time to mature

Using Focusing to make decisions can be a rewarding and enriching experience. If I try to make a decision without it, I can often get confused, or go round and round in circles. Or it can be a back and forth tussle between two parts of me pulling in opposite directions. Each side says to the other, yes, but…

My view is that big decisions take time to mature. I check into my body and sense for all the different aspects of it. I find that I need to have ‘all my ducks in a row’ before the decision is made and the action can take place. If there is a part of me still hanging back, not sure, then the decision is not fully made. I am not wholly behind the decision. There is still part of me pulling away, not willing to go with it.

It is important to listen to all the parts that are there. ‘I’ might want to go ahead, and even be feeling impatient to take the action, but if a part of me doesn’t want to do it, I need to take the time to listen to it and to hear from its point of view. It is also helpful if I disidentify with the ‘I’ that wants to go ahead and is perhaps feeling impatient with the other parts. I see that it is a bias and although it might be right, it is only part of the story. I need to hear it as if it were a part of me, as indeed it is. The dominant part of me needs my company too. For instance, if I want to move house, to be nearer to friends or family, or in my case, to be nearer to dance events, then I can easily get impatient with the part that does not want to move.

However, these parts that do not want to move may have something very valuable to contribute to the whole picture. I don’t see them as ‘holding me back’. I sit with them with friendly curiosity in a Focusing way, and listen to my body speaking. For instance, I may feel my toes are wiggling into the ground, as if they want to grasp the earth and put down roots even deeper where I am. It is a part that does not want the upheaval of moving house, and another part that does not want to lose what I have.

I need to listen to these parts with friendliness and compassion. If it is a fearful part, its fears and worries need to be heard, what it doesn’t want and what it wants. This in itself can relieve the fear, and I can then take the next step in my life. Plus, there may be a piece of information, or a piece of the puzzle that I had missed. Then I am grateful to that part of me that seemed to be dragging its feet or holding me back. I gain a fuller sense of what is wanted in the whole situation. I get more specific about what I do actually want or don’t want. The whole picture becomes clearer as I listen more deeply into my body, and any subtle misgivings I may have. In this way, I trust the decisions that I make.

Do you have a decision that you need to make? I am available for one to one sessions, on the phone, face-to-face on Skype, or in person in Exeter and Liverton on Dartmoor. Why not treat yourself to a Focusing retreat. Stay at a local B&B and arrange a Focusing session with me each day, or twice a day. Go walking on Dartmoor and let nature gently support and nurture the unfolding of your next steps.