Question: How do I use Focusing with a difficult situation in my life?

Answer: When you are Focusing, you are sensing something in your body, which contains meaning, and is related to something in your life. For instance, say you have had a difficult conversation with someone, perhaps a friend, a family member or a work colleague, that leaves you feeling uncomfortable, unfinished somehow. There’s more that you wanted to say, but couldn’t find the right words in that moment. Later you may think to yourself, I wish I had said this or that, then I would have made myself clear to the person. Inside, you may be experiencing lots of conflicting emotions or thoughts. You may be feeling cross with yourself that you did not get your point across, and upset with the other person for not hearing you.

When you Focus with the situation, gradually you will become aware of how your body is responding. There may be a tight, knotted kind of feeling in your stomach. There may be a voice screaming at you – anger at the other person, upset with yourself, and maybe underneath, a kind of sad, despairing feeling, that never wanted the situation to get out of control like that. All these emotions in your body and thoughts in your head need to be heard. They need the kind of company that can be non-judgmental, accepting and friendly. You can go to a therapist or a counsellor for this special kind of attention, but we can’t do that all the time. With Focusing, you have the ability to give yourself that compassionate kind of listening.

When parts of you (thoughts, emotions, feelings) are fully heard and symbolized in awareness, they open, transform and release. During a Focusing session you will notice an easing in your body. There is more space inside, more room to breathe. When you next meet that person you will be able to communicate more clearly, without your feelings and emotions getting in the way. Focusing supports effective communication and ease of living.

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