The practice of Focusing is very specific and precise, and yet the word ‘focusing’ has many meanings.
Here I am talking about Focusing as developed by Gene Gendlin, different from other uses of the word ‘focusing.
It’s easier for me to say what it’s not…
Gendlin
If you feel stuck with something in your life, and you don’t know what to do
We all make decisions every day. Some are small and some feel big and difficult to make.
Sometimes life situations feel intractable and there’s no way out of it. Or maybe you feel stuck and don’t know what to do.
This is where Focusing can help.
Being with overwhelming feelings
C asks: “When I feel I’m whelming up inside, like a watery, tearful emotional ‘aroma’ I can’t seem to be with it; and then later in the day it’s got so big, I end up crying my eyes out and it all gets released…”
You acknowledge the feelings that are there, and then one by one, imagine you are setting the feeling outside your body, somewhere close by… See where it would like to be put….
Dealing with anger
Like many of us, when I am being with my anger, I find it very hard to get any kind of distance.
Mostly I am merged with it, and I can feel how I am experiencing it in my body. I might be getting a tight feeling in my shoulders or in my stomach area.
If you have overwhelming feelings of anger or rage, I suggest that you concentrate on ‘giving it lots of space’. By that I mean that you take time for yourself to really listen to it and acknowledge the intensity of feeling.
What does it mean to ‘find the right distance’, when you are focusing?
Gene Gendlin explained it by saying, ‘if you want to smell the soup, you don’t put your head in it!’
It’s the same principle when you are Focusing.
You are being curious about what you find inside yourself. You want to know more; to find out where a feeling is coming from, how it relates to your life situation, and what it needs so that you can move forward.
If you are ‘merged’ with a feeling, it’s like having your head in the soup.
You can’t see anything else. Your whole experience is the soup.
Focusing and Internal Family Systems Therapy
A Focusers asks: ‘I’ve been reading about Internal Family Systems Therapy… and wonder if you can answer my question….what is the difference between the Focusing you do and IFS?’
Focusing emphasises the felt sense, which is something unclear, fuzzy and not yet defined.
I suggest that you put your attention into the inner area of your body, while holding an awareness of the parts you are being with. Look for what’s unclear about ‘the whole thing’, more than you already know about this.
How does one operate from a place of quiet/presence/heart?
A Focusers asks, ‘One question I had in mind while listening to your session was, how does one operate from a place of quite/presence/heart to attend the difficult aspects/parts of oneself.’
I agree that our identification with parts of us goes very deep.
Even though we would love to be able to live from the awakened, aware state all of the time, few of us experience that. In my view, it is enough that we can experience it at least some of the time.
Does love bring change?
A new Focuser asks, if I love something enough, will it change?
She was referring to difficulties in her life and in herself, that she wanted to be free of.
Often, we long for something to change and we try everything we can to make that change happen…
What do Focusers mean when they talk about the body?
I have returned inspired from a meeting of Focusing professionals in Europe. We met in Aegina, a beautiful island close to Athens, and collaborated in developing our lively European Focusing Association.
Our dear colleague and friend, distinguished writer Campbell Purton got us started on exploring what do we mean when we talk about the body. He is a philosopher, and helped us to think deeply about what Gene Gendlin was referring to when he talked about the body.
I need to look outside myself for guidance
A Focuser says, ‘I have been an introverted person, and now I am moving towards looking more outside myself for help and guidance. Would Focusing go against that?’
Outside help and guidance can be enormously helpful and supportive, for instance by giving another perspective when you are feeling confused, or ‘can’t see the wood for the trees’. There may be times when therapy is what’s needed.
Connect on Facebook
