Focusing on your own at home

Peter says, he finds it much easier to Focus with someone else being there as a listening companion, (and I agree), but how can he Focus on his own at home?

A. The presence of someone can make a real difference to your Focusing, enabling you to stay with your inner experience, but we don’t always have the luxury of having a Focusing partner available whenever we need them. (Although a colleague and I fantasise about being able to get up in the morning and Focus everyday.) So what can you do? How to get into the zone? I recommend that you get into the habit of simply checking in with yourself periodically throughout the day. You can ask yourself, how am I, in there, right now? And then wait and see what comes.

Many things might come into your awareness. You might be aware of thoughts, feelings, body sensations. It is helpful to acknowledge all of what you are experiencing right now. For instance right now I am feeling physically comfortable, preoccupied or distracted in my thoughts, and a whole mix of feelings and emotions. I can identify these as grief, anger, helplessness, as well as well-being and contentment. It is all there, so I acknowledge all of that. And there is more…. And wait. There is more… Assume that you don’t know all about it yet, or it would all be resolved. Try that now.

Let your attention rest gently in your body. Notice what is there. See if you can accept all of what you are experiencing now. You might want to name it softly to yourself as a way of acknowledging it. Like taking an inventory or doing a check-in. The key is to be non-judgemental, including any judgements that come. What helps you to wait, and be non-judgemental? I suggest that you cultivate an attitude of interested curiosity. You could say to it, yes I know you are feeling sad or angry, or whatever it is. Ask it to show you more of how it is feeling. And wait again… Slow down. Maybe an image comes, or a phrase or metaphor that describes exactly how it is feeling there in your body. And here is a big difference with Focusing and the prevailing ideas in our culture. In Focusing, it is not enough to understand the whys and wherefores about your inner experience.

You may know why your feelings are there. I know what is bringing my feelings that I described. I know my life situation and how my emotions are connected. And yet the feelings and the body response has not gone away. Cognitive understanding and emotional expression has not made the feelings go away. No. What is needed is for you to sit with the feelings and the words or images you have to describe them in a Focusing way, with kindness and compassion. Allow them to be there just as they are. Give them space and continue to sense how they live in your body. With that kind of un-intrusive contact or company, they begin to ease, loosen and find their right next step of integration.