Focusing Tips by Fiona Parr

I'm often asked questions which I feel are relevant to many people. So I share my responses here which I hope will provide a helpful insight for everyone involved in Focusing and an overview if you are new to Focusing.

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Conflicting parts:

A Focuser asks ‘How would you suggest addressing this whole scenario of conflicting parts trying to get a piece of the action and trying to drive forward change? I’m very aware that in a Focusing session, there are several parts of me that want a stake in the process! And sometimes at least one of those parts, possibly more, wants things to happen NOW (if not yesterday).

A. Sometimes change feels unbearably slow, and this can feel worse when there is an urgent life decision to make. Maybe you are desperate to move forward, but something in you is ‘holding you back’. Often, our response is to attack whatever it is that is holding us back; fighting it, getting angry and frustrated with it, and trying to override it. This is the shadow side of ‘feel the fear and do it anyway’. Sometimes that works, and we can overcome fear. Sometimes there is a backlash in the body. It seems to dig its heals in, and won’t budge, because it doesn’t want you to have a previous bad experience, over again. You may have been wounded in the past, and your body is trying to protect you from being hurt again. Just as in learning situations, so in life. Too much challenge is counterproductive, but just enough can be growthful.

It can feel that the small, fearful one is blocking us. It actually has huge power, because it will literally stop us from doing the very thing we long to do. Rather than getting frustrated and angry with it, it is more helpful to imagine sitting beside it, getting to know it, and finding out what it wants.

And the angry, frustrated part of you will also want to be heard, with kindness and openness. It may feel like a battle or a conflict between the two parts, and you may end up going back and forth between this part and that. They are both there, in your body and in your awareness, and both need good attention. I don’t usually recommend asking which needs attention, because they will let you know anyway. Just listen to your body in an open, friendly way, and your body responses will guide you. Sometimes it’s helpful to experience the whole thing, or the whole dynamic. Something new may come there also, so be open to what comes. It may surprise you.